Saturday, November 11, 2000
Going Back... To Rediscover the Future
I think everyone loves taking pictures. I know I do. But usually I always looked for something different to capture. I never really thought about how they used to do it long ago. I know painting was probably the most popular way to leave behind a family legacy. It's all pretty kewl how inventive different generations can be.
I wanted to share part of an e-mail I got from my friend John of ColdMarblePhoto.
My own weekend will be filled with such exciting things as trying to take pictures without a lens on my camera. Yep, you heard right. I'm using a very old technique called pinhole photography, in which all the light that reaches the film passes through a very tiny hole. There is no glass lens to focus the light, just the natural tendency of the light waves to travel in a straight line takes care of forming the image.
It's a technique dating back to well before the invention of film. During the 1600's, all the rich folks had a grand time by sitting in a darkened room with a small hole in a window shutter and watching images projected on the opposite wall. Dark room is camera obscura in Italian, which is where we get the word camera from. What would that be in French? It's been way too long since my high school French classes.
The French word for camera is appareil-photo. Dark-room is sombre-salle. Ahhh... we're all learning something today. Good thing the camera was taken from the Italian word for dark room or we'd be calling it appareil, sombre, lugar escuro (Portuguese), dunkles zimmer (German), la habitación oscura (Spanish), domares rom (Swedish), etc.
I think it's totally kewl what John is doing, taking something old and rediscovering the newness of it. Test it, try it, make it better if we can. How kewl is that!! Or, we could sit home and just watch TV. Haha.
If I was free right now I think I'd beg John to let me go with him and see it as it's happening. That'd rock! I love learning new things.
Thanks John!
11/11/2000 01:29:09 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Friday, November 10, 2000
Friday Fever
When Mark tells me he has a surprise for me I never know what to expect. Today wasn't any different.
One of the nurses came and got me and wheeled me to the Family Lounge. I was thinking... "Wow! Awesome!" I hadn't really been out of my room to much so this was a big adventure.
When we got there I just saw a bunch of people's backs. I didn't really know what was going on. Then the small crowd opened up and I started laughing. Mark and 5 of his friends were dressed in these wild hawaiian shirts and lei's. Mark whipped the microphone off the karaoke stereo and started singing the Beach Boys Don't Worry Baby.
Oh boy... I see why he's becoming a doctor, because, ummm... yah.
They did some Temptations, Diana Ross and the Supremes, Culture Club, poked fun of the 90's Boy Bands, and ended with the Bahamen.
During the 70's stuff it was hysterical. So here was this multi-racial group of guys wearing huge fro's, snapping and bopping and trying to keep up to the music. Then they got Mom to help them. She's Diana Ross. Hmm... I was sorta jealous of those sequined dresses. Mah hahaha.
It turned into a huge musicfest. I laughed so hard it hurt. They'd been down in the Pediatric Ward entertaining the kids and decided I needed a few laughs too. Mark can always make me laugh. But I don't think he should quit his day job. Haha!
They ended with Who Let The Dogs Out. Hmmm... I wonder?
11/10/2000 01:59:29 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Don't Worry Baby
Well it's been building up inside of me
For oh I don't know how long
I don't know why
But I keep thinking
Something's bound to go wrong
But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
I guess I should've kept my mouth shut
When I started to brag about my car
But I can't back down now because
I pushed the other guys too far
She makes me come alive
And makes me wanna drive
When she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
She told me "Baby, when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you knew how much I loved you
Baby nothing could go wrong with you"
Oh what she does to me
When she makes love to me
And she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
"Don't Worry Baby"
Time: 2:50 Irving Music, Inc. BMI
Master #51285 Recorded 2/20/64
Single Released 5/11/64 (Capitol 5174)
Charted 5/30/64 Reached #24
B side with "I Get Around"
Brian Wilson/Roger Christian
11/10/2000 01:21:32 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Something Different
Just to be different I decided to practice my French. Hmm... I may be off a little, it's been awhile.
Changes
Un grain simple du sable ne peut pas etre distingue sur une plage,
il est un de plusieurs millions presque impossibles pour atteindre;
encore, chaque morceau est si seul, en couleurs, forme et taille;
c'est importance passe inapperçu comme partie de natures professionelles.
Un reflux de l'eau emporte, ce qui etait par le passe' ~ juste la',
changement de A de maree donne en arriere, encore plus que c'est partie 'equitable.
A single grain of sand can't be distinguished on a beach,
It's one of several million nearly impossible to reach;
yet, each piece is so unique, in color, shape and size;
it's importance goes unnoticed as a part of nature's prize.
An ebb of water takes away, what was once ~ just there,
A change of tide gives back, even more than it's fair share.
Les configurations simples d'une graine paisiblement sur un lit de moisened le sol,
il est un de plusieurs mille qui resistent au travail dur feroce de vents.
Cependant, chaque cosse est si seule en couleurs, la forme et la taille;
c'est importance passe inappercu comme partie de natures professionelles.
Couverture solidement nichee de la terre de beneaths, il reste abrite du froid,
changement de A a lieu, puis ~ jour la gloire nous behold.
A single seed lays peacefully on a bed of moisened soil,
it's one of several thousand that withstand the winds fierce toil.
Yet, each pod is so unique in color, shape and size;
it's importance goes unnoticed as a part of natures prize.
Securely nestled beneaths earth cover, it stays sheltered from the cold,
A change takes place, then one day ~ the glory we behold.
Souriez-vous? Je suis.
*Are you smiling? I am.
Dites quelqu'un... Je t'aime. Faites-l'aujourd'hui.
*Tell someone... I love you. Do it today.
11/10/2000 08:39:43 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Thursday, November 09, 2000
Faith And Hope - There's A Difference
I feel my hope slipping away. I don't know why, it's just how I feel right now. I can't explain it. I don't understand it. I don't have any excuse for it. Or even any reasons.
Don't misunderstand. I have plenty of faith. It thrives inside of me. It beats strongly. It sees everything in beautiful cascade. It keeps me mentally and spiritually strong. I feel it take me to realms and levels I've never been before, and it also carries me back to places that were filled with better times. But faith and hope aren't the same thing.
Faith is the spiritual brightness. The peace of mind that propels us into our eternal future. It's love beyond anything we can conceive to know. It's goodness, grace and glory for a higher, mightier entity, our Creator, Our Heavenly Father. It's gaining wisdom. Wisdom isn't what we know, it's continuing to search for what we don't know. It's applying what we do know to benefit ourselves and others.
Faith is the essence of many things. It takes on new dimensions as we grow with it. Learn from it. Teach others about it. It doesn't make us perfect, it makes us more humanly compassionate. It defuses hatred. It allows forgiveness. It's diplomatic. It gives pride without being prideful. It is equality, and justice. It's being a warrior of strength through all things.
Hope is a desire of something. A need. A want. It isn't always tangible. If we can't reach it we feel a sense of failure. But should we? No. I realised hoping for something and not getting it only means the journey has taken on a different path. The destination is the same, the direction may have altered.
The hope of getting better is hazy to me right now. Maybe that's the plan to make me see other things more clearly. I can only speak what's in my heart, even if I don't fully understand it. It hasn't taken away my drive to fight. It hasn't taken away my dreams. It hasn't taken away my happiness or my smile, or my determination.
I'll always have those because I have faith.
11/9/2000 09:53:19 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Wednesday, November 08, 2000
Frustration
Will this day never end? Ugh. As it slowly creeps by I feel more and more frustrated.
Mark didn't have to tell me what I'm feeling is normal. I know it is. But I still feel it. Everyone's out there doing their own thing, I don't fault them that. I'm stuck here or I'd be doing what my friends are too.
I don't feel like a part of anything. I'm away from my family, missing out on their lives. No college. No job. Just a big nothing of waiting. It's like even my body is revolting, protesting, stalemating my progress. Progress - that's a big laugh right now. What I call progress is being in places I've been before.
I'd just like to be doing something else, instead of being useless. I'd rather be normal... just plain old normal. Some people try so hard to make themselves above normal. Well I'd take it right now and it'd be like Heaven to me. I don't want the pity and sympathy. I just want out of here. I don't know what else I can do to acheive it. But I want to.
Ugh... where's that darn SW when you really need them? He's probably in Egypt somewhere looking for that river. Haha. D'oh!
11/8/2000 01:18:32 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Hail To The KChief
Wowza! I slept away yesterday and woke up thinking I'd know who to sing "Hail to the Chief" to, but instead I see another Y2K mystery of history is taking place. Well, I voted on an absentee ballot, but voting is voting. Of course, I wasn't a part of the Electoral College in my state, so did my vote really matter? Hmm...
I guess one of the great things about politics is it's debatable on any given day. So now, we all get to wait and we'll be glued to the TV waiting for the final results.
The thing that sort of bothers me about elections is when they start talking about how much money the candidates spent on their campaigns. 50 million, 100 million. They make it sound like nothing. Think about how much medicine that money could buy people who need it and can't afford it. Or the how much food it'd buy for those who go to bed hungry. Or how it'd help someone pay the rent and put a roof over a family's head. Pretty sad isn't it?
A couple days ago I watched this story about a single mom with two little girls. The house they lived in was run down and barely had any kind of furniture. She didn't have any money to buy food until payday came again. She had to feed her two little girls a can of green beans. That was their supper. One scoop of beans. They wanted more, they whined a little because they were still hungry. The lady cried because she wanted to give her little girls more but if she did they may not have enough to get through.
Then there was the story of the family who were evicted from their home. The mom was working two jobs, she was pregnant. She had a son who had to be good as gold so no one would have to call his home. They were homeless. The DHS told the mom she had to have a home by the time the baby was born or the state would put it in foster care. She was trying to find a place to live but they didn't have enough money for deposits. They needed help right away but there was too much red tape to get through first. They lived in a motel for awhile. When money got too low they had to live in a tent at the lake. Living in the damp coldness they all started getting sick.
You have to know $1000 of someone's 1 million dollars spent on a political campaign would have seemed like a miracle to either one of those moms. Not just them, but anyone who was trying hard to make it and just couldn't get a break. It's really sad. I think about all the times I saw my parents do what they could for people they knew, and people they didn't. It has to start somewhere. A single can of corn given might just mean the difference between a sweet, innocent child being fed or going to bed with nothing. What a sad reality.
I wish I could change the world. Maybe I can't, but it may not take much to help someone near me.
11/8/2000 09:24:14 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Tuesday, November 07, 2000
I Have A Dream
*written by Benny Anderson and Bjorn Ulvaeus
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
11/7/2000 10:32:23 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Sleep In Heavenly Peace
I was barefoot. Each step I took brought me close to the light in the distance. Hazy grayish-white steam rose up beneath my feet. On each side of me it was like a smooth canvas that an artist was gradually blending with the blue spectrum. Deep navy fading into the pale powdery blue of dawn's inviting light. Everything seemed clean and fresh and new.
With each step I felt more weightless. I could feel the energy of happiness increase my step. There were voices calling my name. It started as a whisper in the wind, slowly getting louder. I knew I was welcomed. They seemed to know I was coming. I wanted to reach out to embrace them but I had to keep moving forward.
I had on something light and billowing. As I ran the gauzy material fluttered around me. There was nothing to see but yet I seemed to be able to see everything. I spread my arms out to capture all of it. I seemed to be embracing all these magical things as I kept running forward.
Then suddenly I stopped. There were several people I knew standing to my right and left. Pale yellows, pinks and lavender waterfalled behind them. I felt their love embrace me. I saw the dancing eyes and the brightness of their smiles, and yet I knew I wasn't actually seeing it.
They each stood on a step. It felt like the cool smoothness of marble beneath my feet. Even though I didn't want to leave them I knew I had to continue up the stairway. I felt their reassurances. I felt a tear slip slowly down my cheek. Then another, and another. I wasn't sure why I was crying. I had an incredible feeling of everything awesome, and yet, there was this small fear. I continued up the stairs and someone was whispering... it's time to fly.
This is where my dream ended. It seemed so real.
11/7/2000 09:51:15 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Monday, November 06, 2000
Blue Ice
I used to think encasing something meant it'd be smothered. But I was looking at this picture and I saw much more than blue ice.
When ice forms around a plant it actually protects it. The key is not to have too much ice or it becomes too heavy and snaps what it's surrounding. This is where the problems occur.
In a way it symbolizes a lot. It's so natural for us to want to protect what we nurture, what is growing. It has to be done in the right amounts or we can end up destroying what we meant to have bud and bloom. It happens when we love someone. It happens in friendship. It can happen in just about all areas of our life.
Is it right for us, "in the name of protection," to purposely smother someone's dreams? Can we decide for them when it's time to release it? I don't think so. You can't take away a feeling. The flame of that desire will always be burning within them, until they decide to let it go on their own.
And what if we, like that piece of ice that became too heavy, ended up harming what we set out to protect? Will we have taken away something with the potential for beauty? It could happen.
I think I'll strive for just the right balance. I want to see the total beauty of what I've helped thrive after the storm passes.
11/6/2000 12:46:12 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Sunday, November 05, 2000
Reflections
I received some very kewl gifts from Deborah. I'm thankful for all she sent me and love all of it. The new journal she sent is going to be used to compose my poetry. Thanks Deborah! *hugs*. This is my first entry and I dedicate it to my friend, Deborah.
Reflections
My life is a reflection of precious memories
Each one I hold within my heart, is a special part of me.
There are many completed images ~ yet a million more to start
Every one of them important ~ a cherished work of art.
When I gaze back into the mirror ~ Reflections in my mind
I will be blessed with gracious gifts ~ the ones so hard to find.
The carefree days of yesteryear ~ spark the golden ray of hope
That will guide me through the horizon; of gentle rising slopes.
Though it is difficult to part and journey past the sheltered love
The reflection I will carry forth; soar freely, high above.
I will share a portion of my reflection ~ as you will do the same
To ensure beyond today ~ our friendship will remain.
My life is a reflection ~ a part of me so dear
That moves swiftly like the river, changing year to year.
I will cherish all the treasures, hidden in my heart
The reflection of my special friends ~ never will depart.
Kaycee Nicole
11/5/2000 08:42:48 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Vote, Vote, Vote
The really important thing about voting is this:
If you vote, you earn your right to complain about all those people who make it into office. If you don't vote and you could've... shame on you. Ok, that's my big lecture. *Steps down from her soapbox*
I had a while to think about my choices. I'm not really politically inclined. I watched the debates and what I concluded about them you probably don't even want to know. I decided this - there better be some awesome Congressmen/women and Representative's to balance all of it out.
I asked Mom, "Do all Presidential Candidates leave you with double talk, so you're not exactly sure what you think they said, or you think you know what they said but did they really mean it?" Ack! D'oh. Mom just smiled and replied, "It's one of the mysteries of life. You have to learn to read between the lines." Hmm...
Well, I did ask several people here their opinions. No, I don't want to know who anyone's voting for, that's not my business. I just needed regular people's insight. So I formulated my own thoughts based on everything I'd learned. I have to admit nothing was very clear to me. I don't feel overly confident about either candidate to be honest.
The one thing I found amazing was the box that said: "Straight Party Voting." One little mark and everything is done. Ack! That's a cop out, in my opinion. When we vote, are we voting for a *Political Party* or for an individual person? I can't speak for you, but I'm voting for an individual. I don't care how anyone labels themselves - Democrat, Republican, Independant, Liberal - maybe I'm wrong, who knows.
Anyway, my first Presidental voting was interesting. There was a lot of other issues on the ballots too. In four years I'll tell you if I made the right choices. So, good luck with your voting experience. Just make sure you get out there and let yourself be heard. It's the best we can do.
And don't forget to smile.
11/5/2000 09:44:35 AM |
° i am the warrior °
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