Saturday, December 02, 2000
Plans Were Made To Be Broken
I thought I might be home for Christmas, but that's not going to happen. I was suppose to start College in January. That's not going to happen either. I withdrew my application several weeks ago, even before the last surgery happened. I knew it wasn't feasible since my progress is slightly behind. I did want to make sure my scholarship wasn't in danger and had to submit information stating my reasons. I've decided maybe I better shoot for next fall enrollment.
I know it's the best decision but it seems so far away. Everything seems so far away. It's hard not to think about the goals I have. Guess I'll just have to make new ones. I learned to sacrifice things a long time ago to achieve a greater goal. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. It's just hard knowing you gave up something for a disease, not the normal set of reasons.
I'm disappointed it has that ability to control those things. But it's tried for a long time to crush me and it hasn't yet. It's tried to break my spirit but that's the one thing it can't have. I've at least been successful there.
12/2/2000 10:27:05 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Thursday, November 30, 2000
Day Without Blogging
In honor of World Aids Day I'm going to join others and have a day without blogging Friday. I agree with Alwin, I really think we can do other things in this area but at the moment this is all I can do. I'm glad to do it. As a person fighting a serious disease I understand the importance of support and continued research.
Have an awesome day... and keep smiling.
11/30/2000 09:16:27 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Identity Crisis
Last night I wasn't feeling to good... headache, chills, dizziness, and the ultimate insult... throwing up. Ack! I hate that even more than getting poked with needles.
And when I did sleep my dreams were really wild. So I snuck on line for awhile waiting for everything to pass. It was pretty kewl because I got a chance to talk to Randy, Sara, Beth, and Alex. At least til I got *busted* again. Hmm... it's my duty to keep the nurses on their toes. Haha.
In other news... my friend Ryan called me a Conservative Liberial. Is that bad or good? And what does it mean exactly? I think he was poking fun at me. Too funny.
Then I did a dog test and it told me I was a Pug. And another test told me I was nothing short of Superman, without x-ray vision of course. And my personality was Chosen One. And finally my SuperStar mate should be Harrison Ford. Hmmm...
Ok... so I'm the yellow Chosen One Conservative Liberal Superman Pug who should be dating a married Harrison Ford. Yow! I think that about sums up a bunch of sins and insanity. Now according to Chinese Astrology I'm a Rooster. Plus I'm a Virgo.
I think I'm having an idenity crisis. Mah hahahaha.
11/30/2000 09:03:53 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Color Me Yellow
If someone told you you were yellow you might see red or get green with envy. Haha. I'm kidding. I just wanted to use a few colorful expressions.
Last night I took a test on Emode called What's Your True Color? I'm a yellow... go figure. Mom was a red. She said, "Red!! I don't like red."
Here's what it said...
You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it.
The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you.
Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!
Hmmm... do you think we could debate those findings?
Smile, I'm sending you some sunshine. Did your room just light up?
11/30/2000 07:46:05 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Wednesday, November 29, 2000
Over Medicated
You know you're over-medicated when...
1. You fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.
2. When you wake up you have a fork in your hand and you thought it was a phone.
3. You hear yourself ask the *fork* if it delivers.
4. You realise you dreamt about shopping for toilet paper.
5. You're not sure if your awake... sleeping, or sleeping, thinking your awake.
6. A Resident informs you with a wink that they'd love to go out with you when your coherent. *sheesh*
7. You wrestled the pillow and the pillow won.
8. You think the noise you hear on the med machine is a doorbell and you yell, "Come in."
9. You think you're adjusting your underwear and realise later 1) you don't have any, and 2) You hope it was your gown you adjusted. Hmm... see, peek-a-booty is a good name for them.
10. You press the TV remote button thinking it's the Nurse Call button.
11/29/2000 04:06:45 PM |
° i am the warrior °
I Can Live With it
I've never been able to understand why so many people have always come to me with their problems or for advice.
I mean it's kewl and all, I've always loved listening and talking to them. I've learned a lot too. But it still amazes me. I don't want to mess up anyone's life by giving them the wrong advice. I pretty much have an opinion on a lot of things, so if you ask me I'll probably tell you. Hmm... I'll even give my opinion when nobody asks.
But I won't force my opinions on anyone. I figure you can take them or leave them. When it comes to decisions we get the final say in our lives, and we have to live with the the choices we make.
I like getting different views and opinions. It makes things more interesting.
Like lately my e-mail has been awesome. I've had great ideas from Christmas decorating tips to funny escape plans. So thanks to everyone for sharing, and thanks to those who let me give you my opinions. I just hope it helps somehow.
I don't want to change anyone's life, but if I can make you smile somewhere along the way then I'll be happy.
11/29/2000 11:21:44 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Life Insurance
When I was a couple months old one of my aunts started a Life Insurance policy for me. My parents paid the premiums and kept it up to date until I turned 18. My sister and brother received the same gifts from my aunt, and like mine they've kept theirs updated.
When I got older Mom told me about the policy. It was set up so when we reached 18 we could either continue it or cash it out to use toward our education.
Before I turned 18 last year Mom asked me what I wanted to do with it. I decided to let it ride since I had a great chance for an academic scholarship or an Athletic scholarship. I figured since the policy was only $20,000 that'd cover a funeral. I'd already been diagnosed with Cancer a few months before and it seemed one less burden for my parents to have to worry about.
Right after I had my birthday several things happened. I received my trust fund, the insurance company cancelled my life insurance and my dad dropped me from his medical insurance. The insurance company pointed to a clause in their policy saying they could cancel coverage anytime but I could re-apply. I did and they rejected me because I had Cancer. They were completely within their right to do it. And they proved to me how "caring" they were.
I received a check for $35.00. That's what they said the value of the life insurance was at the time they cancelled me. It took almost a year for them to pay that amount. I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. I decided Life Insurance was pretty much a joke because those companies do what they want and don't care about anything but money.
When I checked into medical insurance I found I could get it but it wouldn't cover any pre-existing problems. Considering all of my medical problems were due to the Cancer I discovered a few more interesting facts. If my dad hadn't dropped me from his medical policy in his moments of grieving emotion I'd have been fine. But I don't blame him for what he did.
I could've sued everyone over it but I wanted no part of it. I really only wanted what was fair and most of the insurance industry isn't governed by fairness. The bad thing is there's a lot of people out there that get cheated by what insurance companies do and it's not right. They aren't out to make anything, they only want what they were told they'd get.
I was lucky I guess. When my trust fund was set up my mom saw to it that the money was invested and taken care of. Between her and my lawyer they also got me the medical coverage I needed.
Money isn't important to me. Not in the way others see it anyway. It's a tool that when used in the right ways can help a lot. But it isn't everything. It won't get you health or happiness. It won't get you real love. It won't solve all your problems.
My life is priceless and so is everyone else's. Some people just don't seem to understand that. I understand it and that's what makes my life so awesome.
11/29/2000 09:11:11 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Tuesday, November 28, 2000
I Scream, You Scream...
Hey! Ben and Jerry's has a website. D'oh! Haha... I didn't know that.
Thanks to John I decorated my own Christmas tree then drooled over some of the ice cream. I think I want to be a taste tester for them. Woo-hoo! I can see me getting into my work!
Man... what I wouldn't give for some Everything but the... or Urban Jumble ice cream. You know, if Ben & Jerry wouldn't hire me as a taste tester I bet I could be one of their flavor creators!! You betcha. I sure love my ice cream! Haha... who am I trying to kid? I just love food.
Ok, someone break me out of here and let's raid!! And hurry, would ya??
11/28/2000 08:54:59 AM |
° i am the warrior °
I'm Politcally Incorrect
I'm not political and I haven't really been keeping up with all the "breaking news" so I'm probably way behind.
But I was watching an interview yesterday with a lady who was involved with hand counting the ballots. Yikes... something she said didn't make a lot of sense to me. She said it was reasonable to assume voter intent by looking at how they had voted the ballot. If the card was predominately punched Republican or Democrat then she could tell their intent.
Hmmm... How? Unless she can read that person's mind after the fact then it just isn't possible to know. So, in terms of fairness that ballot or those like them should not be *read*.
Maybe they didn't intend to vote for either presidential candidate. Or maybe they intended to vote for the opposite party on their majority voted ticket.
My personal opinion on the first election I got to vote in? What a mess.
11/28/2000 08:27:00 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Monday, November 27, 2000
Oh Christmas Tree
I lost the battle over having a Christmas tree. Actually I knew I would but I figured there was no harm asking. Live things are out, but I thought maybe artificial would be ok. Wrong. Hmm... I told mom we had to figure out a way to have a tree and decorate a little. The bad thing is other patients can have tinsel, and all the other kewl things but I can't. Grrrr...
Christmas is my favorite time of year. It just isn't the same if all you can do is watch it on TV. So I thought why not make a Christmas tree out of the Christmas cards I get. I've got three already. Woo-hoo the Christmas tree project is underway! I dunno, by the time it's done it might be a funky looking tree but it'll definitely have une personnalite impressionnante remplie avec amour (an awesome personality filled with love.)
Ahhh.... another problem solved. Just call me, KChief of Mischief and Mayhem. And that's KCool!! Yee-ha!
11/27/2000 05:25:49 PM |
° i am the warrior °
Body Art
Woo-hoo... regular food, showers, walking...you'd be amazed how those three little things can make you feel human again. I almost felt like I was going on a date or something. Haha. I sort of have the fluff and go look going on. I have almost an inch of hair and it likes to stick straight up in the air on top of my head. No worries about static electricity... I already have that look down.
I told Mark I might as well get my belly button pierced while I'm here. He said, "What? You don't think staples are sexy?" Hmmm... I'm not sure body art includes staples. Do you think they make them in different colors? If so we just might be on to something.
The latest fad... Body Staple Art. Yikes! Haha!
11/27/2000 08:26:19 AM |
° i am the warrior °
Sunday, November 26, 2000
Floats Like A Butterfly
You got mail!!! Woo-hoo!
Oh man... this is totally kewlio. I have butterflies on my window. And this morning the sun came out and the light reflected off their colorful wings. Wow! Orange, blue, yellow...
Thanks Deborah and #1 daughter! You know I told mom I wish I could wrap that hot pink boa around my head. She said I could be Queen Betty Davis for a day. Ummm... who's Betty Davis? Must be one of those parent jokes I'm not suppose to understand.
The funny thing is I've been having Basketall fever. Bruce must have read my mind because he sent me a magazine on Women's College basketball teams! Awesome! I'm gonna take my time reading it! Thanks Bruce!!
11/26/2000 08:53:45 AM |
° i am the warrior °
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